It's Not Funny
by The Stark
Summary: ... Not at all.


**Author's Note:** Hey everybody, before we get started, let me explain somethings to you. First of all, no I'm not american. So, you're going to notice some differences between the way I write and the way you write, like: _"_I love apples_"_ is yours. I write like that: _-_ I love apples. And, since the story is mine, we're doing it my way, ok?

And before I forget, I'm not the only one who's writting this story. I have a co-author:_** Emmy Black Potter **_(go to her profile!).

Since I have nothing else to say, let's get started.

**WE DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER. **

_ ... Otherwise, we'd be rich._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter One<br>**

**Sixth Sense**

* * *

><p><strong>S<strong>omething was telling Harry that his guests had arrived. He wasn't quite sure how he knew it, but he was willing to believe that he had some kind of sixth sense. Or, maybe, the doorbell ringing for five consecutive minutes had given him a clue. Whatever.

- Honey – shouted Ginny -, why don't you go answer the door? I'm still getting dressed.

- Aha! So you also think that our guests are here, don't you?

- Harry, sweetheart, I've already told you a thousand times, this "sixth sense" thing, it's only your imagination! Now, let me reformulate my sentence: "Honey, _go_ open the door!" And don't make me use my wicked voice!

Afraid of Ginny's wicked voice (_everyone_ was afraid of Ginny's wicked voice), Harry ran to answer the door. When he opened it, he saw Ron's face, Hermione and two more little annoying kids, whose names Harry would always forget.

- UNCLE HARRY! – shouted the two little things while they ran to inside the house.

- Hi… you… - Harry was trying really hard to remember their names.

- Oh my God, Harry – said Hermione, already getting inside and hanging her cloak in the chair – I thought you were never going to answer this door. And this dinner? Is it or isn't it going to be served? I'm starving!

Ron was the only one who greeted Harry properly…

- Hello, Harry, how are you? You ready for another one family dinner?

Unfortunately, Harry didn't greeted Ron properly…

- What dinner? – he replied with a bad face, turning his back to his friend and going back to the living room.

When he got there, Hermione was properly sat in her seat, next to Dumbledore.

- Dumbledore? – Harry was surprised – What if, just once, you knocked on the door, like every normal human being does?

- Walking is for the weak! It is easier to apparate right on this chair.

- Yeah, okay, okay… - said Hermione – Whatever. Where the fuck is Ginny?

- Getting dressed, I think. She'll be right here.

James Sirius, Albus Severus and Lily Luna, Harry's children, have already joined the annoying kids, whose name Harry hasn't remembered yet. Now, they were running all over the living room like if their lives depended on it.

- Kids, stop and sit…

They kept running.

- Hey, annoying kids from hell – shouted Dumbledore – _Imperius!_ Stop and sit! The hell is wrong with you, people?

The kids, with a hypnotized look, sat on their places without complaining.

- I love this magic – told Dumbledore – It creates miracles!

Before anyone had the chance to reply to that, Ginny appeared in the living room.

- Hi! Sorry, I'm late…

- Hiii, Ginny! – said Hermione. Then, she was taken by the impulse that every women have when they meet: gossip, gossip, gossip.

Ginny sat near to Hermione and both of them started to talk about the new plastic surgery professor McGonagall had done.

- Hey, Harry – asked Ron – if we're all here, who's preparing the dinner?

In this exact moment, Severus Snape appeared from the kitchen, wearing a flowered apron and holding a wooden spoon in his left hand.

- If you laugh, you're not getting to eat – he said in a grisly voice while going back to the kitchen.

- Snape? In the kitchen? How did you get that, Harry? – asked Dumbledore – I tried to make him to cook at Hogwarts for years!

- Err… As you said… Imperius creates miracles.

- Oh! You smart boy! That's why you were my favorite student!

The doorbell rang again.

- What the heck? – said Ron – Who can it be? Everybody who was invited is already here!

- Probably it's the musician guy I employed to play to us – answered Harry.

- Sweetheart – started Ginny -, open the door, please…

So he did. When he came back, he was accompanied by no one less than…

- OH MY FUCKING DEAR GOD! – shouted Dumbledore – IT CAN'T BE! THAT'S MY FAVORITE SINGER!

_… Lady Gaga_.

- Hey – asked Hermione – You said you had employed a musician _guy_, not a girl!

- Nothing is proved yet – replied Gaga.

No one had nothing to say about it.

For everyone's luck, Snape arrived bringing the food, and put an end to that awkward moment. Gaga went to the corner of the room and started to sang _Poker face_. Snape sat on his place and everyone started to eat.

- Rose – said Hernione – eat all your vegetables.

- ROSE! – shouted Harry – I knew I would get to remember her name…

- You had forgotten your own niece's name? – asked Ginny

- That's nothing, sometimes I wake up asking me who the fuck are you…

- Oh, you… Do I have to use my wicked voice or are you going to show me some good behavior.

Everyone shivered on their places. No one wanted Ginny to use _that_ voice, so Harry concluded it could be a good idea to just shut up.

The phone rang.

- _Stop calling, Stop calling! I don't wanna talk anymore! _– shouted Gaga.

_ -_ _I left my head and my heart on the dance floor!_ – Dumledore sang along while doing some movements, in a _supposed_ dance.

- My sixth sense – started Harry – tells me that someone is calling us on the phone…

- Harry, my little piece of cake that I love so much, for the last time, okay? There is NOT such a thing as a sixth sense! Put that idea on your head before I force this information to get in! And go answer the goddamn phone!

Harry flew to the phone.

- Hello?

- Hi… - said someone on the other side.

- Who's speaking?

- You-Know-Who…

- Hmm, I kinda don't know… But you see, we're kind busy here with a family dinner stuff so… May you call later?

- I may not.

- So, do you want to leave a message?

- The Dark Lord does not leave messages…

- So, I'm sorry, but you will have to call later…

- I've already told you, the Dark Lord does not call later as well.

- Hey, you little "Dark Lord", this way it'll be really difficult. What the fuck do you want?

- I'm getting in your house. Run, while you think you can…

And the Dark Lord hung up on Harry. The wizard stayed there, for a few seconds, just staring at the phone. Then he shrugged his shoulders and went back to the living room.

- Who was on the phone, Harry? – asked Ron.

- Someone who calls himself the "Dark Lord", or whatever, talking anything about getting here… Where the hell do those freaks come from?

- Voldemort is coming? – asked Hermione – We'd better get ready for the fight.

- Ah – said Dumbledore – I love fights! It's just funny to stay there and see a great fight, don't you think? – he stood up – Thank you for the dinner, Harry, it was great, but unfortunately I have my own war to fight… - and apparated while he left an eco in the living room shouting "WALKING IS FOR THE WEAKS!..."

- Well, clearly, we can not count on him to help us – said Snape – So, we'll have to send someone else for the combat…

- But who? – asked Ginny.

Harry solemnly stood up.

- I believe – he started – that when the fight's time comes, there's nothing we can do to avoid it. Now, it is important that we show some courage, and that's why I believe that the best person that we can send to combat is… you, James Sirius.

- What? But… Dad, I'm just fourteen!

- I will not accept this as an excuse. I defeated Lord Voldemort when I was just a baby and SURVIVED! Come on, that cannot be _that_ hard…

- But…

The doorbell rang.

- Oh my god, You-Know-Who is here! – said Ginny.

- And he rang the doorbell, what is more than Dumbledore made in years!

- Hey, everybody – said Harry – my sixth sense says that Voldemort finally made his way to here.

- THERE'S NOT SUCH A THING AS SIXTH SENSE!

The doorbell rang again.

-Harry – said _Ron_ – Go answer it.

- Do I look like a maid? Why the fuck every fucking time a fucking phone or doorbell ring on this fucking house do _I_ have to answer it?

- _Harry_ – said Ginny – _Go answer it…_

He was already opening the door, when she finished the sentence. Voldemort was finally there.

- Sorry, bro, we're not buying anything – and he was already closing the door, when the Dark Lord stopped him with his hands.

- Hi… - it's all he said.

- Dude, I've already told, we're not going to buy anything. Why do you have to be so annoying?

And Voldemort pushed Harry away from his path and ran in to the living room.

- Because FUCK YOU! That's why! I demand a duel!

- Yeah, yeah – replied Ginny – We'd already predicted that… James, it's your time to shine!

- Wait a minute – asked Voldemort – Let me finish. I demand a duel… of singing.

- Singing? – Ron was curious – Why singing?

- Well, I tried dueling 'til death with Harry for seven long years and it has come to nothing. So maybe I'm luckier singing.

Snape kneeled in front of Voldemort.

- Milord, as I was told to, I poisoned everyone's food, so they would not be able to sing. The victory is already yours.

- Snape! – shouted Hermione – You betrayed us! How could you? We trusted you!

- But… how? – Harry wished to know – I thought you were under my Imperius spell.

- Don't be stupid, Potter. I was just faking it all the time. I'm potion teacher. It was really easy for me to create a potion so no one would be able to sing. And in Ron's case, it was even easier, since he's not able to sing even with no potion.

- Hey! – said Ron, but nobody paid him much attention.

- So… - wondered Voldemort – Who's going to duel with me?

- I will.

The voice came from the corner of the room. From a person that everyone had already forgot. The voice came from… Lady Gaga.

- You? Ha! You gotta be kidding me. You're poisoned.

- Actually, I'm not. I didn't eat anything.

- Sorry, Dark Lord – said Snape – I didn't know she would be coming to sing.

Lady Gaga gasped in surprise.

- Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! You're a Lord? I'm a Lady! We totally should get married!

Voldemort shrugged.

- What the hell not?

So, Voldemort, Snape and Gaga left the house, on their way to the nearest church while they were singing _Bad Romance_. Right in this moment, Dumbledore apparated in the living room.

- Now you show up – Harry notices – In the duel's time you run. But when it is already over, you come back!

- Harry, Harry, Harry… My dear boy… - replied Dumbledore – I did not run from the duel. I didn't even leave this house. As I told you, I was… fighting my own war… In other words, I was in the restroom 'til now. That was a true war!

Everybody stayed quiet, since no one had nothing to say about it.

- Do you know what? – said Hermione – Whatever! We were really lucky to have Lady Gaga here with us. I don't even wanna think in what would have happened, if she hadn't been here…

Harry smiled.

- It wasn't luck – he said.

- What? But how? There's no way you predicted it.

- There are people who call it a gift… Me? I call it sixth sense.


End file.
